Nevada, Day Fourteen

2 04 2010

Happy Good Friday, everyone!

0813. I got started really late today. . . . . . . . Julia actually had to wake me up, which never happens. I’m usually up on my own around 0630. I missed my morning reflection time, which helps me a good bit get my headspace right for the day. . . . . . . I had a rough night last night, but hopefully today will be better. Vitals were good, all around. Weight, back to 155. It’s hung out there for several days, minus yesterday. BP, 114/74, and temp 97.1. My weight has stabilized, for the first time in years. Alex is bringing Righteous down the mountain today, and I am STOKED. Not only is he a big, beautiful dog, but that means I have an excuse to take long walks, and get in a bit of running. Victoria is going to Reno for the day for a doctor’s appointment, so it’ll just be Alex, Righteous, and me for the afternoon. Christina is coming this morning for yoga and art therapy. Breakfast was a bit rough. . . . . . . . . . It was really big, which means I’m really full. What’s cool, though, is that I don’t even have the thought that purging is an option, merely that I’m very, very anxious. I do know, though, that the anxiety will fade, and that it’s impossible for it to stick around forever.

1228. Lunch is over. . . . . . . . . bean burrito. We did yoga and art therapy this morning. For the project, we painted the paper mache’ masks that we’ve been building all week. Mine is painted solid black with shaman type tattoos in bright red lines all across the face. . . . . . . . . . as if ED represents a darker side of life, or is an angel of the dark. It often appears to be a saving grace, but in all reality, it never is.

1550. Alex and I just got back from Michael’s, and we got some really good deals. We found some cool projects to do this weekend and picked up some art supplies we needed around the house. Victoria is still out on pass, and I’m just hanging out upstairs. This is the first day thus far that I haven’t taken ANY pictures. . . . . . . . .

1947. I just finished a really good session with Dr. Dan. He called me on all of my defensive mechanisms. He said, “Now, tell me if I’m wrong, but as I see it, you are the QUEEN of intellectualism. You use it to keep your feelings, and people, at a distance, along with your dry humor, bordering on sarcasm.” Well, he’s not wrong, and he was very good to pin-point it. We talked about my PTSD startle reflex, and about my need to talk about my feelings, and turn to people here, as opposed to pushing those feelings and reactions back down. We covered a good bit of the workbook, and all in all, it was a good session. I’ve still got food to eat. . . . . . . . . . 3 cups of popcorn. . . . . . . . . . and there’s no telling when I’ll get to sleep tonight. The wind is blowing like crazy. I swear, I’m sleeping somewhere else tonight. 😀 We will more than likely play Wii for the rest of the night, or track down a good movie.

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Nevada, Day Twelve

31 03 2010


0610. I was sleeping quite well when Stripe Overload fell of the wall onto me. It scared the fire out of me, jolted me awake, and took me awhile to figure out where I was, and what had happened. After all the time I put into that thing, you’d figure it’d bee a little more grateful. 😀 So, now I’ve got some time to kill before I hafta get up and get this day started. . . . . . I’m just roaming around online. I’ve got posters to make for Alex, which I’ve actually already done, THREE TIMES, but the printer and computer in the office are apparently very, very, very weird. It won’t print anything with a picture, blows PDFs to 10x their size, and does all kinds of stupid stuff. I’ll find a solution, lol. Alex wants to have posters hanging in the bathroom so that we can read them while we’re in there. After awhile, you run out of things to talk about. I’m finding that as I enter a bathroom, I start rambling about anything and everything. . . . . . . it’s a very odd feeling. Half the time, now, I don’t even realize I’m doing it. *winks* That’s an odd quirk to have.

0713. Vitals are over, and I’ve moved on to breakfast. My weight is once again 155, and my other vitals have dropped. Weirdly enough, they’ve dropped almost as low as my “standard” anorexic range. 96.4 was the temp, and my blood pressure was 96/68. Julia suggests that it might be dehydration-caused. I drink a ton of water (and I mean a TON). In any case, time will tell.

0935. I’ve had my shower, and it’s about time to head upstairs for yoga. I can’t even BEGIN to describe how much better I feel after that shower. . . . . . . I got a chance to shave. *does dance* I feel like an entirely new person. . . . . . .

The snow is falling thick and heavy, and this storm will hang around for awhile. It’s supposed to be GORGEOUS next week, though. The camera is dead, so there’s not gonna be many pictures today. . . . . . . if any. I’ll see if I can get Alex to get the batteries for it, soon. I wouldn’t want to miss anything cool. 🙂 We’re starting a really big art project this morning. . . . . . . a paper mache’ of our head. I’m going to have to say I’m really apprehensive about this one. . . . . . . They wrap your head in saran wrap, with breath holes, and make the mask out of that. From there, it’s decorated with “The Face of ED” so that the voice in your head has a face separate from your own. It’s different; it’s not me. That’s what we’re starting. 🙂 I’ve been told that people are often apprehensive, but that nothing has every gone wrong while casting the mold, and that it’s a really cool sensation. It’s worth a try. 🙂

1125. Yeah, so I had my entire head covered in saran wrap, drizzled in glue and covered in newspaper, and then hair dried. We’re making a mask that we’re later going to decorate. It was an EXCEPTIONALLY interesting feeling, but a good one, I suppose. . . . . . . . . I couldn’t see, and could only feel. . . . . . I had to keep reminding myself that I could move, and that my hands were free. There were small air holes, so breathing wasn’t a problem, but it was just one of those innately human instincts to not want your face covered. We didn’t do yoga this morning; we talked about digital art and creation. It’s been an. . . . . . . . interesting morning. Now that the mask thing is over, I’m like. . . . . . yeah! That was awesome! I think it’ll be a good project, but it was interesting getting there.

1335. Lunch is over. . . . . . . . I had soup and a sandwich, and it was quite amazing. We got some really weird pictures from the start of the mask project, and I’ll probably toss a couple of those up later. Victoria and I have spent a good bit of the morning talking, and since lunch, I’ve done some work in my workbook, and am still reading my book. This workbook (The Anorexia Workbook) provides a good number of insights and new patterns of thinking. . . . . . It’s a great resource. We have equine therapy in a little bit. . . . . . I’m excited. Victoria isn’t riding today, since she still doesn’t feel well, but I most certainly am riding. 😀 I’m a bit more tired than I usually am. . . . . .

1617. Equine was GREAT. Maggie says that my biggest tendency is that when I perceive losing control, I lock down and get extremely tense and quiet. We worked very, very, very hard on that response, and by the end, when things got fast and a little chaotic, I was able to just sit back, relax, and go with the flow. It felt great, as if William (the horse I was riding) and I were actually working together, instead of fighting each other. After we got back to the house, I did my meal plan for tomorrow, and no matter HOW I tried to work it, I was WAY short. It took me forever to work it with enough calories, but after nearly 45 minutes, I managed. Yay. I’ve heard rumors of upping my calorie count. . . . . . . I’m a bit worried about that. . . . . . I’ve been invited to Easter dinner with a local family (Victoria’s family, actually), and I’m thinking that sounds like a good bit of fun.

1839. Dinner rocked. . . . . . . . . I made chicken nachos. They were AMAZING. . . . . . . . Then, Victoria and I had a movie playing in the background, just kinda as distraction. It wasn’t working, though, for her, and so, I started a rousing game of Dinner Uno. A normal game of Uno, with special rules in order to make it move faster. (Switch hands on 5s, clap on 7s) On odd numbers, you gotta take a bite of dinner. It’s gone before you know it. 😀

Then, we started some rousing rounds of Wii. Starting with Mario Cart, we quickly moved on to Wii Sport. It’s been a blast, and I’ve rarely known something to be such a great distraction. I’m lovin’ it, and kinda sad that it’s taken me this long to get this one going. We’re planning a Blindside party, since Maggie is here. . . . . . . It’ll be a good night.





Nevada, Day Ten

29 03 2010

0630. The wind is blowing again, hellishly and hard across the valley. The naked branches of the bushes scratch against the screen in the window, and the window (and house, for that matter), shake against the force of the wind. The direction of the wind will change, and another target, another window, another part of the house, will be chosen. Without warning, it’ll begin to scratch at the original window, harder, faster than before . . . .

Yeah, sounds like fun, no? I’ve got some pretty nasty PTSD . . . . that didn’t make for a fun night. I was having nightmares before the wind started, and after wards, it was royally not good. Monday. . . . . vitals, breakfast, yoga, art therapy, Alex, bowling, Dr. Dan. Full day. I’ve also got to talk to Gene today. . . . . . full days are busy days. . . . . . busy days don’t leave time for thinking and feeling. This is my first official day on the upped calorie count. I don’t know how I feel. It is what it is.

0751. Yep. Gained more weight. Isn’t this grand? I’m at 155, now. I think I’m starting to doubt that I WANT to see my weight. BP stabilized; same as yesterday.Temp is 97.5. Directly afterwards, I ate a massively huge breakfast and I’m way full now. This whole “meeting calorie count” thing is somewhat difficult. Way difficult. The rest of the day should be a little easier. . . . . . . those meals are about the “normal” sized ones. Normal for here, anyways. They’re sufficiently small, but bigger than I would have eaten at home. Anyways, breakfast was good, and that was its saving grace. I think I’m developing an addiction to those ham, egg, and cheese sandwiches. They’re really good.

1151. Yoga and art therapy are over. Yoga was a restorative session, which means that we got to relax, and lay down, and just breathe the whole time. In art therapy, we started the “box project”. This is an external representation of ourselves. It’s a six-sided wooden box, and you can do absolutely anything to it that one so desires. Thus far, I’ve painted 5 of the sides, white, and one black. I’ve also painted the letters of my name, in blue, but I haven’t put them on the box, yet. Lunch is in a little bit. . . . . . . . Alex and Gene are talking, and Christina and I are just hanging out.

1326. Turns out that the weight gain HAS been water weight. It is, my friends, my TOTM. Don’tcha just hate that? Mine is so irregular that I can never pinpoint it, so it always catches me off-guard. It would also explain the cravings that I’ve had recently, and the mood changes. We’re all getting ready to go bowling again, which is the Monday outing. We’re meeting up with several people at the bowling alley. . . . . it should prove fun. I’ve just gotta find the energy to enjoy it. 🙂

1713. It’s been quite an afternoon! A huge group of us met up at the bowling alley, and had a couple of rousing games. Victoria, a girl who has been looking into the program, came, and she and I talked for quite a while. I got totally creamed in both games, coming in dead last. Gotta love it! It was a good bit of fun, though. I’ve eaten dinner, and Alex discovered a discrepancy in my meal plan. . . . . . I was 175 calories off. I really DIDN’T do it on purpose . . . . I’ve got to make that up…… I hinted that all of the weight gain was because of water weight, and not my metabolism. Alex said that would be taken into account. In any case, I still have to meet my calorie count today. I can’t say I’m thrilled . . . . . I fought hard to “meet” my calorie count, and it wasn’t even close. Dr. Dan is coming at 1900. . . . . . . we’re starting to work through The Anorexia Workbook.

2100. Dr. Dan has been, and just recently left. I just finished my meal plan for tomorrow (several hours late. . . . . *gulp*), and FINALLY got it close to 1500. It took me FOREVER, but it finally settled at 1497. That’s as good as it’s gettin’. Dr. Dan’s session tonight had to do with the development of values, and how to weight them against feelings and beliefs. Feelings and beliefs often lie. . . . . . For instance, just because you FEEL fat doesn’t mean that you ARE fat, and it doesn’t mean that you should act on the impulsive to fast all day (in order to relieve the fat feeling), because that directly flies in the face of the values of “Good Health” which supports the values of “Education”, “Work”, and “Family”. ACT (Acceptance-Commitment Therapy) has to do with observing thoughts without judgement, and balancing that urge/impulse against your value system. Values are unchanging. They’re important today, tomorrow, and the day after that. They’re always important, even if you don’t FEEL like they are. Basically, negative thoughts will occur. We can’t make them go away, and the harder we try to, the more those thoughts intrude, and the stronger they get. Accept them; allow them to be there. Then, act on what matters to your VALUE SYSTEM, not what you FEEL. Feelings lie; values don’t.

Meal plan done. Session done. I’m going to bed.





Nevada, Day Seven

26 03 2010

0651. It’s been a week. . . . . . .  at least, it will be tonight. I finally got some solid sleep. I didn’t get to sleep for awhile, but once I did, it was really good sleep, and I only woke up a couple of times. This great big huge, fuzzy body pillow? I’m in love with it. 🙂 I curled up with my back to the pillow, and then wrapped my arms around the massive, amazing stuffed dog I brought with me (his name is Jake, and he takes up MORE than half the bed). The wind is slowing down today, a fact that I pleased about, the weather will be stabilizing (for a few days) and getting warmer. This weekend is supposed to be really pretty, weather wise.

I think I’ve finally learned the trick of (almost) meeting my calorie count (which is still 1200), or meeting it, on the first try. It’s adding items (side items) in. I had this nasty idea that meals only consisted of one thing. . . . . . . and that’s not really true.

I have no idea what my weight is doing. I feel bigger than ever. I’m having a really hard time with the solid, full feeling that I’m getting the more I eat. My stomach doesn’t cave in, I don’t fell “empty”, and I’m nauseous, all the time. I’m not purging! The nausea is supposed to go away. It was ok when I was doing it. . . . . . but now, I’m not, and it needs to GO. Alex says that’s a really common problem, and that Pepto Bismal, strangely enough, seems to help it. Anyways, it’s time to get up and start this lovely day in the Valley. . . . . . . vitals, breakfast, and PDT. I WILL paint today. I must. I didn’t TOUCH it yesterday. . . . . . . . and I really needed to. I have to finish Stripe Overload, because I definitely need some stuff on the walls here. My bedroom looks bland and boring right now. . . . . . . a place to sleep, not a place to live.

Activities today? Well, yoga and art therapy, for sure, and I WILL paint. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and other than that, who knows?

0749. Breakfast is over, and it was REALLY good. I made a ham, egg, and cheese sandwich (a whole sandwich, all for 235 calories!), and a protein shake. All in all, 395 calories. Now, I’m sipping on my first cup of tea (of what’s bound to be 10 or more). I absolutely adore tea, and haven’t had it since I was back west the last time. The entire time I was at home (more than 2,000 miles from here!), I didn’t drink tea, but now that I’m back out here, I’m drinking it like it’s going out of style. Vitals this morning was interesting. . . . . . . since I’ve been here for a week, now I get to see to my weight. I was 157 when I got here. I made it as low as 151, and I’m now at 152.5. I’m having some digestive difficulties, which probably isn’t helping my weight much. My blood pressure is stabilizing (it was 107/78 this morning), which is a far cry from what it was when I got here. Temp is up, too. I’m actually in a normal range, as of this morning! 98.5! My temp hasn’t been anything but LOW for over two years. It’s been 97 something ever since I got here. My hair is still falling out in chunks, and Julia doesn’t know when that will stop. While I still have intense anxiety after meals, it’s fading quicker. I think not purging is easier when it’s just not an option. When there really isn’t any way around it, and I don’t really want to, anyways. I’m sure there’s talk going around of upping my calorie count. . . . . . . . that will be hard. Probably far harder than I realize. I’m still not comfortable at 1,200, although I am figuring out how to consistently stay up there.

I am making a new page, listing the foods I eat the most regularly here, and would be comfortable continuing to eat at home. It’s a resource more for myself, but feel free to check it out, if you’d like.

1154. It’s right before lunch. . . . . . Christina and I did yoga and then art therapy, and then, we listened to music and just designed with markers. Yoga was good. . . . . . . we started the Sun Salutation today, which was something I had a passing familiarity with, and then, we did “continuous line drawings.” You hafta draw something really complex without looking at the paper, and without picking up your pen. It was difficult, and laughter producing, to say the least. Lunch today is a taco salad. . . . . . . . . it’s probably about time I started heading in that direction. I did paint this morning, and I’ll probably paint the entire afternoon. It’s something to do.

1231. Lunch was good. Actually, it was quite wonderful. Strangely enough, I don’t feel any anxiety. . . . . . . I’m relatively dissociated, so I don’t honestly know how much of this day I’ll remember. I made Alex a sopapilla (a tortilla with butter and cinnamon sugar), and he’s waiting for it to cool down before he eats it. It gets crystalized and crunchy amazingness. . . . . . It’s an amazing taste and texture. He and I have a session later, and we’re going out. Until then, I’m going to paint.

1651. I just got back from walking Righteous, Alex’s massive German Shepherd. That was an absolute blast. . . . . . . I loved it! Righteous is a big, exuberant, excitable dog with a zest for life. We were walking past a pasture, and a VERY young horse took to following us, so I had to stop and give it some love. After lunch, I painted for a bit, and then Alex and I had a session concerning commitment to change, and then, I painted some more. We took a trip to the gas station (it’s kinda sad when it’s like, “YES! I get to go to the GAS STATION!”), and then, Alex left to get Righteous. I’ve got a MASSIVE chunk of Stripe Overload finished, and I WILL finish it tomorrow. Period. Alex and I got some amazing pictures with Righteous. . . . . it was wonderful, and welcome beyond all natural belief.

2104. Dinner was a-ok. . . . . . . . I ate oatmeal and a TON of cantaloupe. I was 60 calories short. . . . . . . and so I thought, no biggie! I like cantaloupe. . . . . . .I’ll just eat twice as much! Well, it’s a really low calorie food that also is really light, and so 356 grams of it is a LOT of cantaloupe. Needless to say, I was eating cantaloupe all night long! I froze a bunch of it, and the texture was great. . . . . . I’m finally finished eating it. 🙂 Brittney and I are watching a heart-rending movie called “The Pursuit of Happiness”. I thought I wanted to paint tonight, but I really don’t, so I’m not. I’ll go to bed after the movie is over. . . . . . . . . Weekend is supposed to be pretty relaxed. . . . . . . It’ll be good. My meal plans are finished for the weekend, so that’s a little less stress.





Nevada, Day Five

24 03 2010

0659. I slept fitfully last night. I don’t think I moved until  0100, but then, I couldn’t stay asleep. I had nightmare, after nightmare, after nightmare. I finally decided to move and give up trying around 0630. It really bites, too, because Julia was going to let me sleep in today, because of how tired I was last night.

Today, I have yoga, art therapy, and a meeting with Alex. Other than that, I’m not sure about today. I have a TON of stuff to be working on. . . . . . . . so I’m sure that will keep me quite occupied! I’ve got my Stripe Overload (which is what I’ve decided to call it) project, the homework Dr. Dan left me with, and I’ll be starting a new project today. It’s about time to get up, get moving, and get going! Vitals, of course, and then breakfast. I’m supposed to have 3 Tbsp of peanut butter with breakfast. . . . . . . and I’m having a REALLY hard time justifying 300 calories in 3 tablespoons. That is FAR too condensed. . . . . . . it’s not ok. I don’t know what I was thinking during meal planning.

I’m loosing weight. I can feel it. My hip bones are making a slight appearance again, and my clothes are fitting bigger. I know why it’s happening; I’m not binging. Everytime I stop binging, I start to loose weight, and quickly. I can’t believe I’m loosely weight eating 2-3 times what I usually do, but it’s happening. The oddest thing? I can FEEL the weight loss. . . . . . Feel the tips of my hipbones, feel my ribs, and notice my pants settling lower around my hips, but I still can’t frickin’ SEE it. Why do I view m y body through a distorted mirror, and what made it happen? I know, I know. . . . . . . dsymorphia. . . . . but WHY? How the HECK does this disease get ahold of my eyes so horribly?

Anyway. . . . . . . time to get this day started.
0746. I ate (drank) breakfast, and it was SO GOOD. Like. . . . . . . absolutely AMAZING! It was so perfectly balanced with the taste and the texture, and just. . . . . YUM. I’d never made a PB smoothie before, but daggone, I think I’ll be having more of those! I’m in PDT now, and working on the homework that Dr. Dan gave me. I have to do several ED assessments, and find a person close to me, who knows me well, to send a couple assessments to, as well. He also gave me some reading material, and told me to begin working through The Anorexia Workbook. That book is centered on Acceptance/Commitment Therapy, which basically says that bad thoughts will ALWAYS come, but we must learn to accept them, and commit to what we know is right. I’ll get a shower after PDT is over, and then, I believe we have yoga. 😀
1219. Whoa, it’s been a jam-packed morning! Christina came, and we did do yoga. I’ve never done breathing-focused yoga. . . . . . . I’ve always used yoga to improve flexibility, not really to slow and focus on breathing. So, my flexibility was great, but I definitely had more to learn. We moved directly into art therapy after that. Christina is, like everyone here, very nice, understanding, and fun. We do Yoga here because it improves the mind-body connection, and it allows one to observe their body without judgement. We moved directly into art therapy. After connecting with our body during Yoga, art therapy would allow us to connect with our emotions without judging those.

Christina asked me to draw a picture of the deepest, darkest place I’d been, and where I wanted to end up. I just started in, and ended up with this person standing in the midst of a thunderstorm, being struck by lightening, lashing rain, etc etc etc, in a puddle of blood……. since it seems that ED leeches one’s lifeblood. The person was also covered in cuts, since at my darkest ED place, I was self-injuring the heaviest, and ED cuts to the bone. Then, on the other half of the paper, I drew a meadow with a brightly shining sun, bright green grass, bright blue sky, and a clear, straight path fading into the background. There were dark, menacing mountains in the background, but the path through them was clear. They’re there, but it’s an easy journey through them.

After art therapy, I made lunch. I had whole-wheat rotini, marina sauce, and toast. I’m full, but it was really good. I don’t have much to do this afternoon except for finishing up my project and doing all of Dr. Dan’s homework. He wanted me to complete some ED assessments (which I’m finished with already) and start working through the ACT book. Maggie is here now, and she’ll be here until 10. It’s gonna be grand. 🙂 We’re going to see a movie, but I don’t think we’ve decided on which one, yet.
1419. I’ve spent the afternoon sitting on the deck, absorbing the warm sun bearing down, the sight of the mountains in the distance, and the beautiful sounds of the birds singing their songs. It’s a clear sign that spring is here. Everything is a little drab and dull with the scenery right now, but there is happiness and warmth all around, no matter how it appears. The colors in the evergreens are bright, and the mountains stand tall, strong, and proud. They’re still covered in snow, and they’re sending a gentle breeze down to gently flow through the valley. Far from the windstorms that can happen out here, this is very pleasant and calming. I’ve been working through my Anorexia Workbook. There are some AMAZING concepts and lessons in here (even as little as I am into it. . . . . . . I’m only in chapter 5. . . . .) that I would have NEVER thought of. This book uses ACT (Acceptance/Committment Therapy) in order to provide an entirely new way of thinking to recovering anorexics. It offers an example of what anorexia can be like: Two teams, anorexia on the left, and oneself on the right, get up every morning and immediately begin a daily tug-o-war. Anorexia is shouting “You’re fat! You need to starve! You’re disgusting! You must be in control!” and the voice of logic is shouting, “I need to eat more! I need to be healthy! I don’t look THAT bad!” The constantly struggle and strain wears EVERYONE out, and it always ends up with Ana winning, because she’s so much stronger than self.  However, what if, one morning, the SELF team got up, picked up the rope, let Ana start pulling, and then DROPPED THE ROPE. Ana could shout and rage and yell, but there was no one pulling back! There was no struggle.

The thoughts that Ana was providing were ALLOWED to be there. They’re going to be there anyways, according to this book, and the harder you try NOT to think them, the more they’re going to occur. The task, though, is to learn to ACCEPT them, but not ACT on them. Through several scientific studies, the authors of this book have discovered that the confidence to do something will never come until you actually DO it. Change your behavior, and you’ll change the thoughts.
1748. Outside of dinner, I’ve been painting and playing games with Karen. She’s the staff member that I went on a walk through the cemetery with. There’s a whole lot of local history in that cemetery, and some big Nevada names. I’ve really been painting for most of that time, and talking, but spent about 15 minutes playing a games called “Legs”. It’s a word game that is pretty fun. . . . .  Each person alternates picking a letter, and you have two minutes to write down every thing that comes to mind that has legs that begins with that letter. It’s a fun, out-of-the-box thinking game. If each person wrote it down, then you cross it off the list. Unique ones get points. Person with the most points wins!

Dinner was salmon and green beans. . . . . .  . I had a major freak-out because two nutritional sources varied on the amount of salmon equaling what amount of calories. I flat refused to eat it unless Alex let me take the SMALLEST amount and list it for the highest calorie listing, just to be safe. In the process of cooking the salmon, the grill shut on my on hand. . . . . I didn’t feel the burn, but I can see it. It’s very minor, but it was startling nonetheless.

Now, Maggie and I are trying to see what’s showing, movie-wise, in town tonight. We’d both like to get out of the house for awhile. 🙂 I’m continuing to paint stripes, and will probably be doing so until the day I die.
2139. I have the finals of my project laid out, and it should be finished with about 5 more hours of work . . . . . . NO I’m not exaggerating. Maggie and I went to Carson City to see Bounty Hunter, and while it was VERY funny, the end was a bit unsatisfying. I won’t give any of the details away, but I’d recommend it for a good laugh, which anyone can use. We also saw the previews for a movie we’ve already set up a date for, and it’s called Date Night. It looks hysterically funny, and it actually premiers on April 20th.

I’m on the edge of an anxiety attack. I can feel the feeling building in my belly, in my gut, through my body. . . . . . . . All I can think about is candy, pizza, crackers, chips, cereal, bread. . . . . . anything and everything. . . . . . . That whole “thinking but not acting” thing? Yeah. . . . . . . . . didn’t act, but now it’s consuming me. I had the chance to get a bunch of candy and whatnot, but forced myself to move on. . . .  .

The drive to binge is overpowering right now.

2302. The wind is incredibly unsettling. The anxiety is starting to slip a bit, which is welcome. I might actually get some sleep after all. The drive is. . . . . . . . well, it’s not getting any less; we’ll just put it that way. I know that if I can get some sleep, the morning will be SO much better. I often get bingy when I’m sleep deprived, and I most definitely am. I’m not going to move; I’m just going to turn over and go to sleep. The new staff member, Selina, is having a bit of a rough night. She’s very nervous about the size of the house, it being her first night, and feeling a bit out of her element. I told her it would come quickly, and that it wasn’t particularly hard. I’ll be the first to admit, though, that the wind probably isn’t doing ANYTHING to ease her fears. I’ve heard it gets SO MUCH worse, but right now, it sounds as if it’s trying to shake the house apart.








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