10 Reasons Why ED Sucks (TW)

16 04 2011

Why am I making yet another list, you may ask? Because I need this right now. Everywhere I turn, everyone under the sun is losing weight, becoming summer ready, cutting calories here and exercising more here. Everyone in the entire universe is encouraged by everyone else in the entire universe to cut calories, choose the lower-fat option, shave 300 calories here, another 500 there and to do anything possible to lose weight — even when it sounds stupid.

That is, everyone but me. I’m not allowed to cut calories and shave nutrition and “lose weight fast.” And occasionally, some parts of me find this really unfair. Fast weight loss? I am the QUEEN. I am. I can manage well over a pound a day left to my own devices — and these are the thoughts that are crippling me right now.

I gained a significant amount of weight over the holidays and I’m trying to lose it healthily but I’m finding ED is snagging his grimy little claws into my brain more and more with every passing week (and pound or two). I’m scared of food I didn’t make. Heaven forbid I get full. More than two servings of anything but veggies or fruit? In your dreams. Full-fat WHAT? Ha. You’ve lost your cotton-picking mind. I don’t drink liquid calories. End of story. No, I’d rather feel like I’m actively dying than eat a cracker — do you know how many carbs are in that?

You get the idea. My eating disordered brain is running the show while my recovery-driven actions are powering it. So, it’s time to remind myself why ED sucks — and that’s why I’m here today. 😀

  1. ED takes away your social life. People might try to give you food. Why should I involve myself with that. Summer is coming — I want all of my friends around.
  2. ED leeches off your emotions. Can anyone say hello to never-ending anxiety, fear, paranoia and depression?
  3. ED steals your energy. Yeah, so I’m losing weight — I can’t do anything EXCEPT obsess over numbers and sit around and lose weight because I can’t stand.
  4. ED makes you dizzy. No one wants to hang out with the person who passes out every time they stand up.
  5. ED makes you socially worthless. Face it — food is everywhere. No one wants to hang out with the person who can’t eat a simple sandwich and then enjoy an afternoon at the mall.
  6. ED forces you further and further. It’s never a “little bit” of ED. It’s always more and more and more.
  7. ED makes you lie. Enough said — the lies come quickly and easily. Yes, they’re based out of panic and fear — but they’re lies nonetheless.
  8. ED makes your hair fall out. I like my hair on my head, not in my shower drain or all over my pillow.
  9. ED makes focus impossible. Your brain requires minimum amounts of fuel, period. I am not super woman — I can’t run on empty and expect to function.
  10. ED makes clothes impossible. Nothing fits, ever. Everything is always too big or too small.
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4 responses

17 04 2011
kryssyandfriends

Hey Girl
I know I haven’t been around (long story) as to why. I COMPLETELY agree with EVERYTHING you have on that list. Mind if I steal it and put it on my blog I’ll put a link to your blog. By the way what’s you name?

17 04 2011
thefarsideofthemirror

Feel free to repost!

I hope you’re doing well and if you’re not, I hope you feel better again soon.

It’s Keagen. 🙂

29 12 2011
dietcokefiend

that is a great list. it has inspired me to make one too ❤ take care.

28 03 2012
Meg

I’m – not diagnosed, but recently struggling with eating issues. Realistically I probably fit the criteria for EDNOS, and pragmatically I eat too little and weigh too little and flat out can’t imagine eating or weighing more.

I stumbled upon your blog and read this list. It’s scarily familiar, along with the thoughts you describe before it, and I think it’s about to motivate me to eat just one more cracker package to put myself closer to a weight maintaining caloric intake.

Thank you.

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